


Sebastian! I Order You To...

by FangirlOfAnimes, Robaroo72



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: M/M, Sebastian is still a demon, guess who dies, lol pls don't kill me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-15
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2018-12-30 02:34:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 14,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12098811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlOfAnimes/pseuds/FangirlOfAnimes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robaroo72/pseuds/Robaroo72
Summary: "Wanting to be loved, for that obstinate reason, people can go even this far." Sebastian said, looking at the burning tower. A few moments passed by. I gathered all the courage to ask him this question. "How far would you go to be loved?"(No I am not copying this story from FangirlOfAnimes as I am the same author. I deleted the work from that account as I realised I never go on that account anymore and it stopped me from updating the story. But here it is in it's entirety. I will post a chapter every week.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy the story!

"Sebastian," I said, calling into the empty room. "Give me some tea."

I sigh to myself. All this paperwork is incredibly boring. There have been no new cases after the Jack the Ripper case. Jack the ripper. The most dreadful case I had to do in all my 13 years. Along with other women, Madame Red, Angelina Dalles, died on this case. She had a variety of names, but to me, she my aunt. Her death was horrible. Even so, she was one half of Jack the Ripper. If she was kept alive, her punishment would've been death.

The other half, Grell Sutcliff, was a very interesting character. While taking the role of a hopeless butler, he kept his other life a secret. That life was one of a grim reaper. A god of death. He assisted Madame Red in her killings. I knew it. I knew from the deductions I made back then that Madame Red, with the help of a divine being, was Jack the Ripper.

But the fact that Grell killed Madame Red sickened me.

A knock came from the door, breaking me from the thoughts.

"Come in."

The door opens slowly and Sebastian enters. I could smell the strong tea all the way from the other side of the room. I smile weakly.

"Earl Grey." I say looking at Sebastian.

"Yes. Correct as always, Young Master." He replies with a smile.

That smile always gives me chills that run down my spine. It wasn't a loving smile. No, it wasn't a smile like that at all. It was a smile that showed his pain and anger. An impatient smile. I have kept him as a butler for over 3 years, so he would be annoyed with me. He sets down the tea in front of me.

"Here, Young Lord." He says, waking me up from my thoughts.

"Thank you. You are dismissed, Sebastian."

He kneels in front of me, just as he always does. I don't know if it was an illusion or a slip of my sleepy mind, but I think I saw a look of concern and worry spread across Sebastian's face. But as fast as it came, it left. Before I knew it, he was closing the door.

I stay in my seat, stunned at what I witnessed. I argue with myself. "It was just an illusion." I whisper to myself. "He wouldn't show emotion as easily as that."

A few hours passed and I felt like my body was feeling heavier by the minute. I need to rest. A good sleep for the night will lift my spirits for tomorrow.

"Sebastian." I call out.

I hear footsteps and see moving shadows outside the door. He stands in front of the door for a few moments. Before I tell him to just come in, he opens the door. I eye him as he walks up to me.

"I wish to retire for the night." I say plainly.

"As you wish, Young Master."

He comes up to me and picks me up. I wrap my arms around his neck. Although I know that Sebastian wouldn't drop me, I feel weird being off the ground. My eyes droop sleepily when I am placed on the edge of my bed. Sebastian brings my nightgown and changes my clothes.

When Sebastian gets up to leave, I tuck myself into bed. Before Sebastian walks out the door, I talk to him.

"Sebastian. Stay with me. Until I fall asleep."

My voice sounded childish. As if I was begging for ice cream or a toy. But no. I was asking a demon to stay with me.

"My. Is the Young Master showing weakness in front of me?" Sebastian replied with that mocking tone.

I clench my hands into fists and grit my teeth.

"Just a simple order." I say, gritting my teeth.

He lays down next to me on the bed. The weight of his body makes the bed uneven. Gravity pulls me down towards his body. I unconsciously wrap my arms around him. My arms could tense his muscles tensing up.

"Sebastian?" I say, filling the uncomfortable silence.

"Yes?" He replies instantly.

"What's wrong?"

I look up to him to see crimson eyes staring back at me.

"You do realise you're hugging me, right? Me, a demon."

I move my head back down to where it was originally. My mind wonders why I was hugging him right. I pull my arms away. What a foolish act. Truly idiotic. I move to the side, away from him.

"Does it matter? Would it make more sense if you were an angel? Angels do not appeal to me. They are simply too caught up in innocence and happiness. It makes me sick. Honestly. Don't compare yourself to such a creature." I say, annoyance seeping in my words.

"I apologise, Young Master."

I looked at Sebastian. He was completely showing concern and worry on his face. He looked so... vulnerable. As if he wouldn't move an inch if someone came to him with a knife, aiming to kill him. But I'm sure he doesn't mean it. A look of concern to comfort me, to make my head think straight.

He knows what the Jack the Ripper case did to me. After the funeral, I told him I don't hesitate. I told him a lie. That's the thing. Humans lie. But as a demon, bound to a human master, must always tell the truth. It doesn't matter whether the truth will hurt me or comfort me. Angels lie. They want to receive a happy reaction, so they lie. A comforting lie against a horrible truth.

My eyes felt heavier. Sebastian knew it too. He got up slowly. My body couldn't move because I was already too far gone (TWD reference). My eyes closed. As I was expecting a door closing, I heard Sebastian instead.

"I'm worried about you, Ciel."

I couldn't reply. No matter how much I wanted to talk to him about what he said, I couldn't reply. Sleep took over and I knew I would forget about it in the morning.

 _-"I will stay with you. Until checkmate."-_   


	2. Chapter 2

A warm hand shook me awake. I jumped up at the sudden touch. Sweat was rolling off my cheeks like rivers. Before I had the time to ask what happened, my mind answered the question for me. The memories of that dream. That horrid dream that haunted me ever since I was 10. I haven't had that dream for 3 months. I thought it was over. No. It was idiotic to think dreams like that disappear from your life forever.

Tears started begging to fall from my eyes, but I wouldn't let them. A hand settled on my shoulder as I looked up at Sebastian. He was wearing the face with no emotion. Or maybe it was too much emotion. I mentally slap myself.

"He's a demon," I thought to myself. "He is incapable of emotion."

I keep looking at Sebastian's face. He would change his expression for one split second. For that split second, I would hold my breath. Certain images of the dream would appear. As if they were trying to say that I wouldn't escape.

"Young Master, are you okay?" Sebastian said, bringing me back to reality.

"I... I'm fine. Just a bad dream." My voice was now betraying me.

"Would you like to tell me the dream? You were in a state like this not long ago, Young Lord. I have heard that speaking of the dream may help to overcome the emotions brought by that dream."

My eyes almost popped out of my head. He noticed the way I was 3 months ago. He knew about the fear I would feel before I fell asleep. Once, I stayed awake the whole night just to avoid one of the horrid dreams. They haunt me. They torture me. They are the truth.

"Are you sure?" I ask Sebastian, staring at him.

"Of course. I will do anything to help you, Young Master. You can use me as a pawn when you start a new game of chess. Each game is different as your opponent is." Sebastian replied.

A pawn. Why would I use Sebastian as a pawn? I would others as a pawn, an unneeded person will come along as a new case will begin. There will always be a foolish person who wants to help me or to understand my actions. Of course I will let them. From there I would understand their ways of thinking and their morals. By using that information, I get what I need. They usually end up dead.

I took a deep breath and starting telling Sebastian everything in the dream. I told him about the flames. Me running down the endless hallway, calling out to my parents. They were supposed to tell me a story. At least 3 before bedtime. Sometimes I would choke on the words and Sebastian would quickly bring water to soothe me.

I told him about my mother and father, dying together on daddy's favourite chair. I tell him about the blood dripping silently against the raging flames. I tell him about a dark figure holding their sewn together heads to face me.

That's when I wake up. Always to wake at that moment. I'm sick of his dream. But I know it's the truth. Remembering the actual day is too unbearable, but the dream gives me the memories I don't want to know.

I finish telling this tory to Sebastian. He looks away from me. Groaning, I cover my face with a pillow. I'm such an idiot. It was a mistake to tell him what I had suffered for so long. He wouldn't understand. No matter how hard he tries, he can't tap into human emotions. Fear, worry, concern are things unknown to demons such as him. But there I go, telling a demon of emotions that I try so hard to hide.

"Young Master, I believe that these are just dreams. Not everything in the dream is real. I promise you this."

I nodded. He wasn't lying. He couldn't lie even if he wanted to. But why put such a risk into the truth? Unless he knew about that day. No. He doesn't know about that day. Because on the day after that, I met him.

I lay back down on the bed. That day was the worst in the whole of my life. I could never forget those moments were death was sitting face to face with me. The agony and torture I suffered through for what felt like years. But Sebastian doesn't know.

"Young Master, are you okay?" Sebastian asked me, breaking the silence.

"Yes. I'm al-"I stopped myself.

Sebastian clearly showed worry on his face. He looked at me straight in the eyes. As if he was looking at someone dying.

"Sebastian... What-"

I couldn't continue my sentence. Sebastian wouldn't let me. He put a gloved finger against my lips. I wasn't sure what he was doing at first, but then I understood. There were footsteps going down the hallway. I look at Sebastian, scared as hell (pun intended).

"Sebastian," I whisper to him. "Find out what's outside."

Before I even finish the last word, he disappears. I close my eyes and try to fall back asleep. The dreams won't come back again. I know this, because it happens almost every day. But why did it start today? Why now? My family is all gone. Everything I grew up with is fading away, leaving me. Elizabeth is the only family I have left.

My eyes drop slowly, tears falling slowly. While I fall into the hands of sleep, my bedroom door bursts open. I couldn't jump up in surprise because sleep was not letting me go.

"Young Master! Watch-"

I stared in horror at a sharp pain coursed through my body, why wasn't he helping? Why didn't he stop it? 

My sight is covered in blackness. 

_-"Use me and any pawn within your reach."-_   


	3. Chapter 3

A rope around my feet and my hands prevent me from moving. Blood trickles down from my nose as I take another beating from Azzurro Vanel. Been 6 days since I last had a meeting with him and the other people who work beneath or beside me. Everyone except for Madame Red.

Azzurro Vanel, you have made a terrible mistake. His feet appeared in front of me. I half-expected him to kick me right in the cheek. But instead, I received release from my mouth. I could now freely talk. He was on the phone, yelling to those on the other line.

"Just tell me what you see!" Azzurro shouted into the phone.

I heard muffling as someone yelled back. Then the line silenced. Everything was silent. Not even a cicada dared to make noise as the tension was building up.

A noise came from the line. It was soft, but I could hear exactly what was said and who was saying it. I could shout back to Sebastian, but I decided against it.

"Azzurro Vanel, thank you for that letter. I would gladly like to know where my lord is."

No noise or movement came from Azzurro. He knew very well who was on the other side of the phone. I knew what had to be done.

"Woof." I said clearly, making sure Sebastian heard me.

"Well done, Young Master. I will be coming to pick you up shortly."

The lined clicked and I knew he was gone. The atmosphere was tense, scary even. I held my breath, knowing that there would be some sort of contact against my skin. But instead I hear shouting. He yells at his bodyguards to not let anyone in. He is scared. When people are scared, they hesitate. When people hesitate, they die.

After a few moments, Azzurro picks me up and points his gun to my head. I watch the movement in front of me. Around 6 men walk into a door hidden by a painting. "Tch." I say. As if Sebastian will fall for such an idiotic trick. The door closes and silence takes over.

Until footsteps come. Step by step they get closer. Azzurro's hands snakes around my neck, half-choking me.

"Wow. Sebastian has really loud shoes." I think to myself.

The door opens forcefully. His clothes don't show a spot of dirt on them. He steps one foot in front of the door frame, directly in line with the painting. I don't move a muscle. Even if he is shot with a missile, he will not die.

But I couldn't help but feel fear. I stopped my breathing and stared as Sebastian was shot with several bullets. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. Azzurro's manic laugh filled the room. The painting was ripped and filled with many holes.

Sebastian just laid on the floor and didn't move a muscle. Nobody moved, they just watched the motionless body. It was one second, but it felt like a year. My Contract Mark on my eye burned. I could feel it glow strong under my eye patch. The burning sensation silently told me was still alive. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Sebastian. Get up. How long do you intend to lie on the ground for?"

Sebastian's arm twitched and his legs moved. The shooters couldn't move, whether it was from shock or from the demon, I wouldn't ever know. Before I knew it, Sebastian was on his feet and choking on the bullets he was trying to spit out.

Blood covered bullets dropped onto his hands from his mouth. A demonic smile was planted on his face.

"I believe these belong to you. The modern guns are so much better than they were before. They can shoot so many more bullets."

He threw his hand towards them, palms facing down. The suit he was wearing was filled with holes and blood. The hand around my throat loosened and a gun was pointed to my head.

"What a shame. Seems I need to fix this suit." Sebastian said faking sadness.

"That could have been avoided." I simply say as be steps closer to me.

"S-Stay back or I'll shoot!"

The fear in his voice was too strong. Though the contact of the gun, I could feel him shaking in terror. I smile evilly at Sebastian, silently ordering him to get me. He places on foot in front of the other.

I hear a gunshot.

The arms that held me up were gone and I fell on the ground once again. I looked slightly to my right to see Sebastian holding a bullet in between his fingers.

Without a word, Sebastian placed the bullet in Azzurro's breast pocket. A groan of pain escaped him lips as red stained his shirt.

"Sebastian, let's go home." I say, turning away from the dying man.

The butler picked me up as he usually does and we left the room. Before exiting the building, a thought entered my mind.

"You can create fire, can't you, Sebastian?" I ask.

"Yes. Why do you ask, Young Lord?"

"Burn this place."

Before I knew it, raging flames swallowed the building. I looked behind me and saw the building crumble and crash in front of me. I smile to myself and close my eyes, comforted by Sebastian's hold on me.

I woke up with Sebastian smiling down at me.

"Finally awake, I see."

Ignoring what he just said, I look at my mansion. The sunset behind it tricks my eyes and I imagine fire. Fire engulfing the building.

Three shadows grow closer to me. I squint my eyes to see who they are. Mey-Rin, Finny and Bard stop in front of me and Sebastian.

Mey-Rin and Finny stare at me in the arms of Sebastian. They look at each other then turn back to us. Their eyes sparkle in amazement.

"What?" I ask them, unsure if I want to know the answer.

"Oh nothing." Mey-Rin starts.

"It's just that you and Sebastian look so cute together like that." Finny finishes.

Blood gushes to my cheeks. "Why am I blushing?" I ask myself silently. I order Sebastian to put me down and he does. A soft smile was planted on his face for a split second. I keep staring at his face as Bard speaks to him.

"Are you alright, Young Master?" Mey-Rin asks me, jerking me from my thoughts.

"Yes. I'm fine." I reply.

They nod to me and start walking back to the manor. Sebastian stays beside me and kneels on one knee. What on earth is he doing?

"Please forgive me, Master." Is he talking about the fact he let me get captured? " For I have not prepared dinner." Sebastian says, regret was clearly in his voice.

I would face palm myself right now because I obviously do NOT care at this point. But I wanted to know why he let me get captured, perhaps another question for another day.

"I forgive you," I decide to play with him. "On one condition."

"Anything for you, My Lord." He looks up at me.

I smirk. This will be an interesting game, Sebastian. I take off my eye patch. The mark was shining brightly as I felt the all too familiar sting.

"Sebastian! I order you to-"

_-"After all... Life is a game. I am but a piece in this game. You are the king and I am the knight."-_


	4. Chapter 4

"Young Master... Are you sure about this?" Sebastian asked.

I nod hesitantly.

Was I really ready for this? Can I really live through the rest of my life knowing what this feels like?

I closed my eyes, ready for some sort of impact. My mind was wandering in every direction. Maybe this order was a mistake. I grip the handles on my chair and try to slow my heartbeat.

"Look at me, Young Master."

Sebastian turned my head to face his. The distance was not that far apart. I could hear Sebastian's heart beating. Oh wait, it's probably my heart I can feel.

"Ready?" He asked me, looking straight into my eyes.

"Ready." I say after 30 seconds of silence.

He backs away and I see his whole body. A blush is clearly on his cheeks and I can't stop thinking about how to react. Should I just congratulate him? Compliment him? No, I shouldn't. It was an order after all.

"That dress suits you, Sebastian." I say, holding my laughter.

But I wasn't lying. The dress really did suit him. I smirk at his appearance. The black and red dress complimented his crimson eyes and pitch black hair. He would make the most beautiful woman. Wait... what am I saying? I push the thought out of my head.

"Young Lord, was this really necessary?" His voice was quiet.

"Oh very necessary." I hold in more laughter. "You are dismissed."

Sebastian bows down. "Yes, My Lord."

He exits in a hurry to get the dress off. I wonder if any of the servants would catch him in such a horrible state. The thought of him being caught was too much and I laughed to my hearts content. The sound bounced off the walls and into my ears. "I laughed...?" I thought to myself. "I actually laughed! It feels like forever since I last laughed."

"Thank you, Sebastian." I whisper into my tea.

The new day was a great day. Finding out I didn't have those nightmares again, knowing I had the day to myself and seeing Sebastian in a dress is enough to bring my spirits up.

Moments later I hear a knock on the door. It was rushed and didn't have much restraint in the knock. It was obvious it wasn't Sebastian. After all, for some reason, I have taken more observations of Sebastian than anyone else.

"Come in." I say without emotion in my voice.

Mey-Rin enters with a tissue on her nose and a letter in her hand. I smirk. She saw Sebastian in the dress, I'm sure of it.

"Let me guess, you saw Sebastian in the dress?" My voice was louder than I thought.

Mey-Rin nods slowly and hands me the letter. I wave my hand off to signal for dismissal. I hold the letter in my hand and I notice the Trancy Family Crest on the envelope. I sigh and open it.

That little brat, Alois. I can always trust him to ruin a wonderful day for me. The letter has horrible handwriting, spelling and I'm not even sure what he's trying to say. It's obvious Claude didn't write this awful excuse of a letter.

My eyes read the last words of the letter and I freeze.

"Sebastian." I call out, not being able to move

"Yes, Young Master?" He says to me. His head in rests on my shoulder, I predict that he is reading the letter. But the way his head turns towards the window makes me think otherwise.

"Prepare the carriage. We will visit Alois Trancy today. Am I clear?" My head moves to face his.

My breaths quicken and my heart starts pounding as I notice the close distance between his face and mine. Perhaps our cheeks were touching before I turned around and I failed to notice. My lips almost contacted with his cheek. If Sebastian were to turn around...

No.

I immediately shook the uncomfortable thought out of my head and a small blush appeared on my cheeks. "What's wrong with me?!" I thought to myself.

"Very clear, Young Master." He whispered in my ear, creating a shiver down my spine.

Before I could respond, Sebastian disappeared. My hands moved to my chest and I slowed down my breathing. My face relaxed and I looked up at the ceiling.

"What's happening to me...?" I asked myself.

My hands folded the letter neatly and put in my pocket. I start walking towards the front door to wait for a carriage.

The last words of Alois' note kept repeating themselves in my head.

"After all... You love him, don't you?"

 _-"If it's your wish, I will follow you everywhere."-_   


	5. Chapter 5

The trip to the Trancy manor was quiet and slow. I clutched the letter in my hand, trying my hardest not to rip it up in shreds and use it as confetti to throw in his face. Honestly, he is just boasting about how Claude expressed his love for him. After a thing like that, Alois will believe he 'knows love when he sees it'?

"Master, are you okay? You have not scolded me even once during our trip." Sebastian said as he stopped the carriage. He was right, I would always pick on him whether it was to yell at him for being so tall he found it difficult to stand up straight in the carriage, or because he just stares at me every second of the ride.

"I- I'm perfectly fine, Sebastian."

Sebastian opened the door and helped me down. I felt his gloved hands under mine. His hands are larger than mine. I feel so vulnerable, yet safe around him. I shook my head slightly, trying to get the thought of loving him out of my mind. The door was right in front of me, but I hesitated to knock. My hands raised to try again, but I just couldn't. Was I... afraid?

Before I could answer my own question, the door opened with Claude right next to it. He looked at me, then at Sebastian. His eyes turned into the red-ish pink colour. I cleared my throat awkwardly as the tension grew.

"Claude. Bring me to Alois. I wish to speak to him immediately." I say sternly.

"Of course." He says as he bows.

"Tch." I say to myself. I've always hated the Trancy manor. Spiders and their webs are always welcome in this estate. The annoying little creepy crawlies that don't hesitate to hurt you in any way possible for them. I understand why Claude is a spider butler now.

I could hear Alois' yelling for Claude. Once the noise reached my ears, I focused on Claude. That's when I noticed the messy collar and his hair ruffled in the back of his head. I smirked to himself. We came at either the best, or the worst, time.

We stopped in front of Alois' bedroom. When Claude reached for the handle, I stopped him.

"I-I think we should j-just wait in his office. Is that okay?" I say, making him stop.

He looked at me with confused eyes, then at Sebastian. My butler was behind me, so I had absolutely no idea what he was doing, but it worked. Claude led us to the office which was only 2 doors down from Alois' bedroom.

"There you go, Young Phantomhive." Claude bowed and left in a hurry.

I sighed in relief, slumping slightly in my chair. There was absolutely no way I was going to enter his bedroom after seeing Claude's appearance and knowing Alois was in his bedroom. I shivered at the thought of what I might have seen if I didn't stop him. (If you know what I mean. wink wink nudge nudge)

Sebastian stood right next to me. There was an uncomfortable silence that lived for more than 5 minutes. I decided to try and start a conversation with Sebastian, just for fun. It took me a long time until I could muster the courage to talk to him.

"Sebastian?" I looked at him.

"Yes?" He looked at me intently.

"How do you know if you lo-"

I was cut off by the door opening in a big heave of anger. It was Alois. Claude wasn't beside him, and honestly, I was really worried. "What happened?!" I asked in my facial expression to Sebastian. Sebastian just simply smirked at me and I swear there was a wink. But now wasn't the time to ask.

"A-Alois! How happy to see you." I try to say.

A second passes and nothing happens. Alois didn't even move from his spot. I take a closer look at Alois and I see his shorts are backwards, laces undone, hair ruffled and he is panting slightly.

"Alois...?" I say loud enough for him to hear.

His head looks at me, then at Sebastian. No wonder Claude and Alois got together, they're like complete twins. My hand move into my pocket to reach the letter he wrote to me. I keep it folded so that Sebastian doesn't see a single word on this letter. Although I think he already read parts of it when he rested his head on my shoulders. I cringed at the thought that Sebastian knows what lies hide behind this letter. I hold it in between my middle and index finger and show it to him.

Alois slowly nods and smirks at me. My head turns to Sebastian.

"Sebastian, can you please leave. I wish to speak to Alois alone. Am I clear?" I ask him.

"Very clear, Master."

I watch as he walks out of the door. He looks at me in the eyes before closing the door. Alois waits a bit longer, just to make sure that Sebastian can't eavesdrop or overhear this conversation.

"So Ciel. How are you today?" He says, breaking the silence.

I glare at him. "I was doing fine today, Alois."

"Well, that's gr-"

"I even got to see Sebastian in a dress."

"Wait, wha-"

"Then I receive a letter that suggests that I might have feelings for my butler?!" My voice grew louder as I spoke. "How do you expect me to feel?"

"Might? I'm certain that you have feelings for that petty butler of yours." He said with confidence. "And Sebastian loves you back."

I gritted my teeth in anger. Alois, the great liar. "Stop with these stupid lies, Alois."

"Lies?" He laughs to himself. "I'm not lying, Ciel. He told Claude and Claude told me. I held it in for as long as I could, Phantomhive. I just simply had to tell you."

I hold the letter in my hand and look at it. A simple piece of paper with so many things that could or could not be true. Something so small could do so much damage. I ripped it. I ripped that paper to bits, slowly at first then before I knew it, it looked like it was snowing. Alois' face was still frozen in that horrible smirk of his.

"Ciel Ciel Ciel... Honestly. Anger gets you nowhere in life. Don't you know that?" He says as I look at the mess on the floor.

"Anger got me here, Alois." I was tempted to say. It was the truth. If I wasn't angry at that time, I wouldn't be alive. The person I am now exists because of rage and the lust for revenge. But instead, I kept quiet.

"Look, Ciel. I'll prove it to you tonight. I'm holding a party and you're invited. I wanted to give you your invitation in person. So here you go." Alois said, holding out a neat envelope with my name neatly written on it.

"Is there a theme?" I cautiously ask, eyeing him before taking the envelope.

"Yes. In celebration with me and Claude's relationship. The theme is love. Pure undying eternal love." He smirks at me. I frown, more than usual. I look at the envelope and question whether I should go or not.

"But of course, you're not required to bring a date. Claude told me not to. So singles will be there. Assuming that you've already called off the engagement with Lady Elizabeth, right?"

I cringe at the name. The thought of her running to me with her high-pitched voice made me freeze in fear for a second. "N-no... I haven't done that yet."

Alois just stood there and looked at me in shock. Then he slowly shook his head in disappointment. "Honestly, Ciel. You're hopeless."

"I know..." I sighed. Alois may be annoying, but he is a friend.

"Ciel, you still have to come to the party. I have arranged something for you tonight. So you have to be there, okay?" He gives me a smile.

"Okay." I simply respond. I was about to ask Alois another question until the door opened.

"Young Master, we must leave now. Unless you wish to be late for dinner time. I strongly disagree with that decision." Sebastian says, bowing to me and Alois.

"O-Of course. Y-Yes. Goodbye, Alois. See you soon."

"Goodbye, Ciel. See you tonight. Be excited!" He shouts to me.

We both walk to the carriage. No one says a word. It's as if we haven't spoken to each other properly in years, when really it's been just a few hours.

"Young Earl, what were you about to ask me before Alois entered the room?" Sebastian asks, opening the door, but not letting me in.

I gulp. I'm not ready to ask that question to him yet. "I've forgotten." I simply say.

Sebastian almost looked saddened. But I couldn't tell because before I knew it, I was inside. "Honestly, Sebastian. What's happening to you? I'm afraid. You need to tell me what's wrong so that I can help you in any way I can..." I think to myself, resting my head on my hands.

"Maybe I do like you... just a little bit more than I should." I think, making sure I don't say it out loud. I smile to myself.

 _-"If the king falls, the game is over."-_   


	6. Chapter 6

I linked arms with Sebastian, just this once. There are times when it's acceptable to be as close as we are now. Alois was at the front door, greeting everyone. I tense up for a second as I lock eyes with him, his menacing smile showing itself for a mere second. Mey-Rin, Bardroy and Finny were invited too. I wasn't sure as to why they were so happy, but their smiling faces almost made me smile. Almost.

"Oh Ciel!" I heard a high pitched voice call out my name as I entered the ballroom.

Everything was red and pink. Everything resembled the colour of love. Sebastian let go of my arm. I was quite sad, I didn't want him to leave. He put his face next to mine and whispered in my ear.

"Young Master, it seems that Lady Elizabeth is coming. I shall leave you two to enjoy the ball."

He bowed and left before I could reject. Arms wrapped around my neck and I immediately knew it was Elizabeth. She hugged me from behind, choking me.

"El-i-za-beth-!" I tried to get out.

She let go of me and pouted. "I told you to just call me Lizzy..."

I couldn't build up the courage to tell her about breaking off the engagement. It would make me seem like a horrible person. I mentally laughed at myself. "You are a horrible person, Ciel." The voice in my head would say.

"Ciel? What's wrong? You seem troubled by something..." Elizabeth looked at me with sad eyes.

In those eyes, I could see hope. Hope that I would return to who I originally was before the night my parents died. Those eyes have seen so much already, why must I bring tears to those eyes again? I stared at the floor. I couldn't look at her anymore.

Why did everything change so much?

"I... I need to ask you for something. Is that alright with you, Elizabeth?" I ask, trying not to waver my voice in any way.

"O-Of course. You can ask me anything."

I look at her. A smile on her face, but it's not the same smile I see almost everyday. It seems that she is scared, afraid even. My jaw tightens as I build up the courage to tell her.

"Can... Can we break off the engagem-"

My voice was cut off by a sudden stop of music and Alois tapping on his glass with a spoon repeatedly. Talk about bad timing. I turn around to face Alois. At the side of my eyes, I can see Elizabeth breathe a sigh of relief. Or was it sadness?

"There will now be a special dance." He looked over at Claude who walked up to his love with no emotion. "Since our love is between servant and master," He looked at me for one brief second. "All the butlers and first maids must dance with their master. No matter the gender or age. Am I clear?"

I gulped. A dance between servant and master? What is he thinking? I'm very sure Alois knows about me and my dancing skills. My body froze. I kept staring at Alois and his annoying smirk. Claude adjusted his glasses and gave the signal for the music to start playing.

Before I knew it, Sebastian was beside me. I looked for Elizabeth, but she was already dancing gracefully with Paula. I looked over to Alois. He wasn't hard to find since he was in the middle of the ballroom, spotlight on him. Who knew that sucker (haha get it) could dance?

Sebastian bent down and whispered in my ear. The feel of his breath soothed me momentarily and with the simple words, I wanted to prove that I will not be taken in by Alois' silly games.

"Shall we dance, My Lord?"

"Of course, Sebastian."

I gulped in regret, shame and embarrassment of what my mind came up with. But his name rolling off my tongue almost made me smile.

He held my hand and lead me to the centre of the ballroom, where Alois and Claude were. I took my stance and started dancing. To be honest, I actually think I've improved. Just as the thought came, it vanished.

"Ciel, you're too tense. Try to relax." Sebastian said.

"I am relaxed, Sebastian." I said, looking at my feet.

I started shaking, trying to get every step right. Halfway through the song, Sebastian leaned down and asked if I would like to stop and have a break. I sighed in relief and nodded hesitantly. We turn and walk to the Trancy Gardens outside of the hall, Sebastian walking behind me as always. Is it wrong that I wanted him to walk beside me? Yes, it's very wrong. To myself, I already confessed I liked Sebastian I do not need to act upon such emotions. I huffed in annoyance. Why was I so caught up on something as stupid as the emotion of love?

As I continued walking through the garden, I could feel Sebastian staring at me, his gaze burning at my neck. I ignored it and kept looking at the flowers in awe. I picked up a rose, careful not to be pricked by the thorns. Then I looked up at the sky and saw the beautiful colour of midnight blue. The stars and moon creating a little bit of light accompanied the brilliant blue as if showing together they make something so beautiful it is adored by everyone who can see it.

I'm not used to looking up. Looking at the sky was something I had never done before, but I see Sebastian outside my office cleaning the windows, but every now and then he gazes up. His eyes reflect the sky. But the reflection turns red because of his eyes.

"Master?" I hear his voice, but it's so quiet.

I look in front of me to see Sebastian's face of worry. His hands gripped my shoulders. My hands were wet and my eyepatch was gone. Sebastian then takes the rose out of my hand and throws it somewhere far away. I look at my hands and I see blood, not a lot of it but it's obvious I wasn't paying attention.

My body was now fully back to the real world. I smile weakly at Sebastian. Then I feel it, pain in my right eye. I cover it and I hold in the scream of agony I so desperately need to make. I grit my teeth and I fall to my knees.

"Master?!" I heard Sebastian say.

I groan in pain. Sebastian then picks me up and carries me inside in a panic. My hearing is then filled with a monotonous eerie note that drowns out everything else. My eyes begin to close as the pain shoots through to my whole body. I see Sebastian's face looking down, then he says something I am unable to hear.

Then I couldn't breathe. It was as if my lungs were being gripped tightly by hands. Black dots form, growing quickly and darkness fills my vision.

_~"Young Master... It's time to wake up."~_


	7. Chapter 7

My body shot up and my eyes opened instantly. Sweat rolled off my forehead like waterfalls and I realised I wasn't in my own bed. The window was at the bottom of my bed instead of beside it, and the curtains were a lighter shade of blue than I would like it to be. My head turned slowly towards the bedside table and I saw my eyepatch. Then suddenly all the memories of last night hit me like a brick. The pain of loving, of possibly losing, and the feeling throughout my body that made me black out.

"Sebastian..." I try to shout out, but it comes out as a pained whisper.

My right eye starts to sting slightly again. I reach up and cover it even though I wince at the quick movement.

Before I could open my mouth to whisper out Sebastian's name, I heard footsteps at the door of my room.

My heart beat raced and I could feel it all throughout my body. The shadow moved swiftly, and soon Sebastian was right by my side pouring me tea as if nothing had changed.

"Sebastian?" I whispered as my hand reached out to him.

He turned and smiled me one of those fake smiles he wears so well. I frown and freeze in my motion. He puts my eyepatch on me, being as careful and cautious as he had always been. I suppress the smile that's dying to spread on my lips, but that feeling soon disappears when I hear quick footsteps and giggling from the door.

"Oh Ciel!" I hear Elizabeth scream out.

Her frilly pink dress and loud voice burn my senses as she bursts through the door. My head moves to face Sebastian's once again as he gets the tray and walks towards the door to leave. Before I could tell him to stop, Elizabeth puts me into one of her lung-crushing hugs.

"Eliza-b-beth," I try to get out. She lets go of me reluctantly and sits down beside me.

I sigh and breathe slowly. "So why are you here?"

She looks at me and giggles. I raise an eyebrow in confusion. Why is she laughing?

"It's my house, silly."

Wait, what? I'm in her house? Well, really it's a mansion, but what? I'm so confused. Can't I be in my house instead?

"Um... Why am I here, Elizabeth?" Trying not to focus on the slight stinging in my right eye getting stronger by the second.

"Because after you passed out, Sebastian carried you through the ballroom, and asked me if you could stay at my home for the night while you recover. The journey between my house and Alois' is only but a 40 minute journey." She says with a smile the whole talk through. How does she do that? How does she smile without a waiver of guilt, shame, sadness, and anger?

After a few minutes of painful silence, Elizabeth asks me a question while looking at the ground. "Sebastian said you fainted because you weren't eating. Why haven't you been eating?"

Because I wasn't eating? Surely that's not true, Sebastian wouldn't think a painful sting in my right eye and fainting from it was from not eating. Perhaps this was the story he created so that no one would think twice about what really happened. I decided to play along.

"I just haven't been hungry. I'll eat breakfast if it'll make you feel better."

She smiles brightly and looks at me with gleaming eyes. "Yes yes yes! Paula and her friends cooked hashbrowns with toast and your choice of butter and jam. It'll be a delight."

I look at her as she happily rambles on about the breakfast foods. Then I interrupt her before she gets to the history of them. "Let's go?"

"Yes, of course. I'll bring Sebastian to get you ready for the day ahead of you." She walks towards the door.

"Thank you, Elizabeth." I whisper to her as I reach out for my tea.

Her hand reaches out to the door knob, and I see her flinch slightly, as if in pain. Then, without her looking back at me, she softly says, "I told you, Ciel, just call me Lizzy..."

Then before I get to process what she had said, she was gone.

Her voice was so sad, so quiet as if she suddenly became shy. I've never seen her like that before. I look around the spare room. The soft pinks and yellows shielding me from the sunlight of the outside. The clean white sheets covering me. I lay myself back down, staring at the ceiling as I waited for Sebastian to come and change me.

A knock on the door rang through the room and Sebastian entered. A smile appeared on my lips, then I quickly turned it into my normal emotionless state.

"I saw that smile of yours, my Lord, you can't hide that from me." He said with that soothing voice of his.

"I do not smile, Sebastian." I said as he helped me change into my day time attire.

"Hm, I guess not." As we finished, he adjusted my eye patch.

"What happened to me last night?" I ask him, confusion shown clearly on my face.

"I'll let you figure it out, my Lord." He smirked as he got up and left the room.

I huffed in annoyance, and walked towards the door, thinking about the reasons I could possibly have fainted and felt that pain rush through my body. As I faced the long hallway in front of me, leading to the main dining room, I clenched my fist in anger. I need to know why, and the only person, besides Sebastian, that could help me was...

Alois Trancy.

 _-"He turns his back towards the light without hesitation... How beautiful and foolish."-_   


	8. Chapter 8

I played with my breakfast with my fork, poking and prodding at the half-eaten hashbrown. My stomach was aching from how much food Elizabeth stuffed into me in the first 5 minutes at the dining table. But I couldn't care less about the pain in my stomach and the loud rumbles it was making.

Elizabeth kept talking, only giving me time to nod in response to her questions and statements. When could I see Alois next? When will I be able to ask Sebastian the thing? Will I even be able to muster up the courage to ask that? My goodness, this was going to drive me insane.

"Isn't it, Ciel?"

My head shot up, and my fork made a loud clang on the plate. I looked at Elizabeth, whose face turned from a smile to a concerned face. I looked away, and faced the rest of the table, Mey-Rin, Finny, Baldroy, Sebastian, Paula, and everyone else present looked at me. The silence was deafening.

"...Ciel?" My eyes darted back to Elizabeth as she crawled over the table to engulf me in a hug.

Her voice was quiet, and I heard murmurs from everyone else in the room as I hugged her. "Are you okay, Ciel?" Elizabeth whispered to me. I nodded, and my arms wrapped around her, returning the hug. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth." But the response only made her hug me tighter, and she laughed and pulled away, kneeling on the table. "I told you to just call me Lizzy!"

Paula helped Elizabeth get down, the tablecloth received many folds and my plate of breakfast was a mess in front of me. Elizabeth apologised to me about the breakfast and I forgave her.

"Sebastian, what's the time?" I asked, not looking at him.

"It's 8:30, Young Master. I believe we need to take our leave now if you wish to complete your work today." I nodded, and straightened up my clothes.

"Finny, Bardroy, and Mey-Rin, let's go. Say your goodbyes and thank you's now." I said in a firm voice. They all groaned in disappointment and took the last bites of their breakfast before getting up to get everything ready.

Sebastian walked up to me and stood behind me, just as he always does. Why doesn't he stay beside me?

My eye stung, only a little bit, it was like a strong itch. But it stopped me in my tracks all the same, gripping my cane just a little bit tighter. But it went away soon enough, and I was entirely back to the real world.

"Goodbye, Ciel! See you again soon." Elizabeth called out to me as I descended down their front steps, walking towards the carriage that was patiently waiting for us.

The ride back home and quick and silent. My thoughts raced around in my head like a tornado or a hurricane. What should I do? Should I just wait? I'll wait. That's all I can do right now.

Sebastian helped me down from the carriage, and I watched as it was taken to the side of the house for the helpers. I started walking, pretending to be fine and not at all like I passed out from an unknown cause just last night.

The gigantic doors of my mansion opened and Tanaka welcomed me back home before turning back to his tea and laughing his usual "Hoh! Hoh! Hoh!" I dismissed Sebastian and walked upstairs to my office to work on the tasks ahead of me.

My desk was filled with piles upon piles of letters and documents to approve and deny and responses to be written. With a headache, I started the work. It was slow at first, but as time went by, I got the hang of it and went back to my usual productive pace. Sebastian would come in every now and then to give me food to eat and tea to drink, I appreciated it and always showed my gratitude just like normal.

Soon enough, the work was done and I sealed my final letter. Just in time, too, as I looked outside and saw the blackness of the night. The stars glistening and glimmering as if it was the ocean with light reflecting upon it. The knocks on the door startled me from my admiration of the sky, and I said whoever was knocking to come in, knowing it would be Sebastian.

He came in, and told me it was time for dinner. I nodded and started walking out the door. Then I remembered something, and I ran back inside my office and grabbed the letter. The letter addressed to Alois. As my trembling hand gripped the letter tighter, I offered it to Sebastian.

"Make sure this letter is sent to Alois as soon as possible." I said firmly. He nodded, then asked.

"What is it about, My Lord?" He took the letter out of my hands.

"It's just to inform him we are going to meet him 5 days time." I replied as I started walking to the dining room for dinner.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Sebastian give the letter to Tanaka. I didn't understand it, but I knew he would do whatever I told him to do, so I dismissed it.

I sat down on the dining table, feeling small yet again compared to it. All 19 chairs in front of me were bare, empty. Just like me. Before I knew it, food was placed in front of me. A small piece of steak with what looked to be roasted vegetables and mashed potatoes with gravy.

I scoffed and commented to Sebastian, "A little generic isn't it?"

He smiled at me and didn't say a word back, accepting the criticism just as usual. I picked up my fork and knife and ate away, noting the deliciousness of every spoonful (Yes I know he isn't eating with a spoon please bare with me). Unfortunately, the plate's food disappeared just as fast as it came. It was absolutely divine, but I would not praise my butler for serving adequate food for a nobleman like me.

I stood up and told Sebastian I was done. He nodded and took my plate to the kitchen. I watched him move as I walked back to my office, grabbing the stack of cards I had on the way. I sat down, and looked outside once more. Admiring the mood and the stars, and watching them being covered by clouds as rain started to pour. I shuffled the cards, and played a one man card game before slowly falling asleep at my desk, accompanied by the sounds of thunder and rain.

_-"Life isn't that sweet. That's why everyone wants sweet things."_


	9. Chapter 9

Sebastian sat in front of me, the table separating us. I looked to left, no one else was there. My head turned to the right, still alone. The table went on forever, the ends long gone and hidden within the shadows. I turned back to Sebastian, watching his emotionless face. His eyes pierced through my damned soul and it caused me to stop breathing for a few seconds.

"S-Sebastian?" I managed to stutter out, hoping fear isn't heard within my words.

"Yes, young master?" His eyes became fully red, the whites in his eyes no longer existent. He smiled, but not a nice smile, a scary one. A smile from horror stories that told of dead children and the rising of the dead. 

I blinked.

The scene changed. We were no longer in the distorted version of the dining room, but instead a distorted version of my office. I could no looker see the floor underneath the letter that seemed to be sealed with dried blood. My mind instantly told me to look around, but I couldn't. I was frozen, paralysed. The curtain were torn and the window was broken. From the corner of my eye I could see the grey and gloomy clouds moving faster than usual. Then a thick fog seeped through the window and the closed door in front of me and I felt the cold mist wrapped itself around and I tried to hold my breath. But it didn't work. As if it had a mind of its own, it moved up and around my neck then worked its way into my nostrils. 

I closed my eyes tightly.

Then I couldn't open them again. I tried to open my eyes, but it only seemed that I could raise my eyebrows. Then I could feel it. The complete outline of my body, as if it was pulsing along with my heart beat. I still couldn't move, yet I felt like I was moving. Pitch black was all I could see in my vision. My lungs stopped working as the paralysis finally caught up to my chest. I could only take short quick breaths, as if I was drowning. My heartbeat was as loud as ever, it soon was louder than the eerie monotonous note. 

"Help me!" I screamed out mentally. 

I couldn't just live with short quick breaths like this. I knew I couldn't stay like this for much longer. So then I relaxed instead of trying to fight it. Finally, after what felt like years, I could breathe again.

"Young Master, it's time to wake up."

Then I opened my eyes.

I heard the familiar soft voice speak to me, waking me from my slumber. My fragile body was moved up with the help of Sebastian as I tried to get the sleep out of me. The sweet smell of Early Grey tea in the morning helps. I massaged the bridge of my nose as Sebastian offered me my tea, which I gulped down within seconds not caring about the scorching pain I felt in my throat. My head was pounding with every beat of heart.

"Ow..." I whispered, struggling to get the single word out from my scorching throat.

"You shouldn't have consumed your tea so quickly, my Young Master." Sebastian said, bringing in my new change of clothes. 

I shook my head and I wanted to tell him it wasn't the tea, but I couldn't as ringing started to enter my ears and the pounding only got more intense. My empty cup fell onto my knees as my hands went straight to the sides of my head, gripping my hair. I grit my teeth in pain, then I took a deep breathe.

"T-t... Take me... to..." I tried to say, being held back from the agony I was in.

"The doctor, my Lord?" He asked, a hint of concern in his voice.  _So he does care._

"A..Alo...is..." 

"My Lord, I can not do that. You are unfit to travel." He said, opening the door to call one of the other maids. To call the doctor I assumed. 

"N-now, Sebastian." I said. My voice was slowly coming back to me. The pain was slowly getting more tolerable. 

"But my Lord-" He started. Then stopped himself as he looked at me. I was still holding my head, gripping my hair. I'm sure I was posed in such a vulnerable way, but I didn't care. I stared at him with pure determination in my eyes. No hint of fear or hesitation. 

He sighed and dismissed the maids I couldn't see, then closed the door. He stared back at me, trying to decipher from my eyes what was going through my head, but in all honesty, even I didn't know what was going through my head. But for some reason, I felt the need to see Alois. For some reason, I believed he knew what was going on. For some reason, I was having a staring contest with a demon.

"Why are you always so eager to see Alois?" He asked, finally breaking the contest.

Still gripping my head, and trying to listen to Sebastian without his words being drowned out by the ringing in my ears, I answered quietly. 

"Because... I think he knows what's wrong with me." My eyes immediately went to the floor, not looking at him anymore.

I could hear his footsteps coming closer and closer, to the point he was in front of me. But I kept my eyes glued to the floor. His hand came under my chin and he tilted my head up ever so slightly, just enough to end up seeing his face, and only his face. My heart raced, which only made the pounding in my head even more painful. I gripped my hair tighter from the pain, but then Sebastian spoke.

"Pardon me, my Lord, but I highly doubt Alois will know anything about why you're in this agony." 

I sighed as I accepted his answer. To be honest, I didn't believe he would believe me, especially when it included someone as stupid and as ridiculous as Alois, but he had no choice but to trust me.

"Take me there now." I commanded Sebastian, but he didn't move. He stayed silent.

I stood up on the bed, causing myself pain but I couldn't care less about that. I decided the give him one last chance, "Take. Me. There. Now. Sebastian." I demanded. He stayed still and silent. The ringing in my ears only got louder and soon I couldn't hear anything but that, then I raised my hand.

I slapped Sebastian.

I'm sure he didn't feel any pain, but his face showed pure shock. It felt like my head was swollen to the size of London and that my ears were bleeding. But I know the words I said next as they rolled off my tongue.

"Sebastian, I order you to take me to Alois!"

_~"Is there truly any human who is not arrogant?"~_


	10. 10

My arms were wrapped around Sebastian's neck as he carried me. My head was resting in his neck, and I could feel warmth, but no pulse. The pounding in my head finally started dying down to a tolerable state, but my eye kept stinging. I closed my eyes as I tightened my hug around Sebastian so that I wouldn't fall from the constant jumping from roof to roof, but I didn't mind it. For some reason, he smelt quite nice. 

For a second it a peaceful, quiet even. Just the sounds of the wind and clothes flapping could be heard. For a second, I forgot my pain. I forgot where we were going. But then the stinging in my eye only grew stronger. 

Why was I in so much pain all of a sudden? What changed in the past few days? What did I do? 

"Ciel Phantomhive?" The familiar accent mixed in with a slight hint of over confidence said my name.

I let go of Sebastian, and slowly slid down his back. My eyes slowly opened despite the utter pain it caused me. Alois was in front of me, staring at me in concern and shock. His body frozen in the action of fixing up his files on his desk. Sebastian stood beside me, but didn't look at me. Instead, he walked calmly towards Alois and said, "I don't understand why the young master asked to be brought to you in this state."

Alois then started moving, out of the trance. His files fell out of his hand and made a mess all over his desk and some fell onto the floor. I tried to speak, but my knees buckled from the intense pain. I fell onto my knees, my hands holding myself up. My head shot up to see Alois sprinting towards me.

"Ciel, what happened? Oh goodness." He whispered to me. 

He put a hand on my shoulder while the other was put underneath my chin, holding my head up. He then untied my eye patch with a tug, the knot wasn't the best since I put it on really quickly this morning. Then I heard a gasp. 

"Sebastian, leave the room." Alois told him. 

"I'm sorry but I can not do that." He firmly replied.

"L-Leave.. N...Now." I managed to mutter out, barely audible. 

Sebastian sighed and before I knew it, he was gone. A few seconds after Sebastian left, the stinging decreased more and more, until a slight itch was all it was. Alois stared at me as I slowly gained control of my body. Then I grabbed my eye patch from his hand and rushed to put it on me, but Alois stopped me before I could.

"Wait. Your mark... It was glowing." He said, suddenly seeming like he lost all of his confidence.

"Yes, Alois. I know. It does that." I say, not caring about the obvious things that I already knew.

"No, Ciel. It was different. It was like the  _sun_. It was  _radiating_  light." He stated. 

There was something in his voice, something I've never heard from him before. But I couldn't figure out exactly what it was. I sighed in defeat and looked at Alois, staring at him while trying to think of what to say or do. Why, of all people, did I think Alois would be able to help me?

"What's happening to me?" I asked him after what felt like a forever of silence. 

There was a pause. 

"You haven't accepted the fact you love him, have you?" He quietly said.

"What in the world does that mean? Of course... Of course I have." 

_Have I really?_

"Talk about him then." Alois said, standing up and offering me a hand to stand up as well. 

"He's my butler." 

_He's not just my butler._

I started walking towards the chair in front of his desk. "One could even say he was, 'one hell' of a butler." I smirked to myself, thinking of how many times he's said that.

"Wrong. Wrong. Wrong," He practically yelled to me. 

_I know I'm wrong._

"Talk about Sebastian," His voice quieter than before. "Not your butler." 

I stared at the desk in front of me, listening to the silence that seemed to be deafening. I thought harder about him. His eyes, his hair, his passion for stupid cats, the prettiness of the mark that branded me as his, the way he never smiled, only smirked, his judgement. I couldn't focus on just one thing, and so I went from one thing, to the other.

Without looking at Alois, I started talking. My voice quiet and low. Was I _nervous_? 

"His... Hair is... um, really nice." I began. 

Alois nodded, encouraging me to continue. So I did.

"His hair... Is soft. Very soft, like softer than the cat's fur he loves so much." I paused, unsure of what exactly my point was. I know I like him a lot, why can't I tell someone the things I love about him? 

"He doesn't smile often, like me." My voice was slowly getting louder with each syllable. "But when he does, it's genuine." 

_Almost like a human's smile._

I've stopped focusing on the dust gathered underneath his desk and instead focused on my memories of him. "He... Sebastian's... Voice is really nice too. It soothes me after I have my nightmares."

_But my last nightmare was of him._

"He's quick and efficient at what he does, yet is never too busy for my needs." Maybe Alois stopped listening to my nonsense, but I couldn't care less. I needed to get these words out. "He always wants the best for me, even if the best doesn't suit my standards." 

_He's always right, anyway._

"His passion for teaching me really shines through. Especially when it comes to violin lessons. I know he's a demon and all, but surely no human, nor supernatural being, could ever be as good as him." 

_He loses himself when he plays the violin._

I paused and looked at Alois, surprised to see that he didn't fall asleep at his desk. Instead, his head rested on both of his hands, smiling brightly at me and I knew I made a mistake. "Why are you looking at me so weirdly, Alois?" I asked him, taking caution in the words I spoke and how I spoke them. 

"Oh, nothing. It's just cute to see you coming out of your shell and telling me, of all people, why you fancy your butler who is just outside the room." 

This was definitely a mistake. I could feel my heart pounding and my breathing either pick up the pace or stop completely. The thought of him possibly hearing what I just said about him scared me beyond what terror could ever be.

Suddenly it was just me. Alois wasn't there, neither was the desk, nor the oversized window with ugly purple curtains, nor the cobwebs all stuck in each corner of every room in this mansion. I had to go back and take back everything I said. Maybe I could just tell Alois that it was all just a silly prank and nothing of what I said meant anything at all. That all of those things I said about my butler was just utter nonsense, that I was just sick and coming down with a fever.

Everything got blurry. Then it seemed as if what I looked at would lag a split second too late. Is this what they call 'double vision'? I didn't know, and I didn't plan on finding out. No matter how hard I tried to tell myself that it was just a prank, or I was just ill, I couldn't lie to myself. My throat felt dry, it was silent in the room, yet my thoughts were screaming out at me. What could I do? 

I have to think properly, focus on something. My thoughts ran through my head like a hurricane, or a tornado. Then it hit me. I knew what I had to do before I left the room in anger. I, unfortunately, had to finish what I started. What I started to do was think about the many reasons why I liked Sebastian, now I had to finish it. 

As I stood up from the uncomfortable chair, thinking about the last reason, the last thing to come through my head once I stepped out of that door. Alois' words were just mumbles, nothing I could understand. My headache returned when I was 3 steps away from the door. One more step and my eye started stinging slightly. It wasn't as bad as it was before. Maybe Alois was right. But what was the last reason I fell for my butler? 

I froze, my hand on the door handle. It all made sense. He gave me something no one else gave to me as consistently as he does.

_He doesn't lie to me._

My hand slowly turned the knob. My breathing hitched for only a moment as I opened the door.

_He doesn't give me false hope._

The familiar figure stood in front of me and my head slowly moved up to look at him for a second before looking straight back at his shoes.

_Whether it's brutally honest..._

"Young Master, I apologise." Sebastian said, sincere emotion in his voice. He's good at understanding the tone and voice of humans, I've learnt that about him.

_Or comforting..._

"What are you apologising for?" I asked him, not looking at him in the eye. 

_He always tells the truth._

"I don't love you back."

_~If you stick to a "lie", it'll eventually become the "truth".~_


	11. Chapter 11

Four years went by like a flash. It had already gotten to my 17th birthday, which was terrifying to me. I didn't think I would be alive for this long, but the contract's deed has yet to be fulfilled. I will admit though, the past four years have been hell (no pun intended). The constant moments of awkwardness and hostility were unbearable. I would accidentally hear the murmurs and whispers from Bard, Finny, and Mey-Rin. It was worst on the few months after that fateful day, but it slowly went away, yet the pain still lingered there for some reason. It weighed me down, making feel like everything was just too much effort. In the back of my mind, I knew I had to not let this get to me, but my physical body would not allow it. 

So many things have changed in the span of 4 years. I spent more time with Elizabeth, trying to get Sebastian out of my head. But to be honest, it felt like it just got stronger. Elizabeth wasn't the overly high-pitched girl anymore though. Her blonde ringlets hung gently around her neck, emphasizing her collarbones and her bright blue gentle eyes. Her hair was barely seen in the ponytails she used to have them in, but instead they were either flowing down her face accompanied with a bright, yet gentle, coloured headband, or it would be high up in a pony tail. She was beautiful indeed, and I had no shame in saying that. 

But I would look over to Sebastian as he ordered Mey-Rin and the rest to continue on with their chores. They haven't changed much to be perfectly honest, it's almost as if they stopped ageing. Sebastian's face has stayed the same, in fact nothing has changed about him. Just as I had always imagined. Do demons die? Do they age? Do they regret things? I wonder what his greatest regret is... 

My dark hair covered my forehead as I turned back to face Elizabeth smiling back at me. Her hair in a tight ponytail as she continued reading her favourite book to me for the fifteenth time this week. I got used to her now soft and quiet voice, one filled with genuine admiration that seemed to flow only to my ears. I watch her as her eyes traveled across the page, left to right then starting all over again. Her lips moving almost like a robot as the sides of her mouth curled up into a smile. This was her favourite scene in the book. 

"And with one swift movement, Olive was in his arms. Their bodies collided like stars as they collapsed. As if all the energy of their love burst out and was so big the weight was too much to handle so it fell into itself. Along with collapsing comes tears, and they sure came. As if rivers upon waterfalls upon the oceans leapt up together in one second to all come to this moment." She closed the book and smiled at it for 5 seconds before sighing. Her eyes closed as the wind blew, weaving its way through our hair, our clothes, and the space between us.

"I like your voice, Lizzy." I said from across the outside table. The one made of glass and regret as small cracks started to form. My head resting on both of my hands, looking at Elizabeth as she blushed lightly and smiled softly as me.

"Thank you, Ciel. I like your voice too, you know. Perhaps you should read to me next time?" Her voice was filled with hope. I couldn't say no to her like I had used to be able to. She's changed, maybe even more than I have. I wonder what had happened to her. If I had looked at her four years ago and someone told me that was Elizabeth, I would never believe you. But here she is, living and breathing in front of me, the younger her suddenly disappearing. 

"If you so want me to, then I shall." I replied to her, sipping on my tea as always. 

Her eyes light up and her smile was bright than all the stars in the might sky combined. Her smile was always so big, I wish I could smile as genuinely as that. I've learnt to smile, yes, but only slightly. Just a small curl at the sides of my mouth, and only for three seconds at a time. 

Elizabeth's excitement must have gotten the better of her as she jumped up, the book hugged against her chest. The chair she was sitting on fell down and smashed into many tiny bits and pieces, only the metal frames stayed together. She may be slightly older than me, but I still have to be the boss. She looked down as she winced in pain. I looked down as well, and through the distorted glass table, I saw red. And in the midst of my shock, I just stared. 

Sebastian came over, and soon Elizabeth was in his arms, being carried to the infirmary I assume. I knew it was selfish of me, but I felt a pang of jealousy as Elizabeth clung to him. Against Sebastian's figure, Elizabeth was small, fragile, and vulnerable looking. Her bleeding leg was not helping her situation. But instead of hearing the wailing that would come up from her getting hurt, it was silent. She's become stronger, I noted that. 

Maybe now I could ask her if the engagement could be broken off. I didn't want to break it off for Sebastian, but instead for Elizabeth. I looked as the two figures disappeared into the house. My eyes looked around, then landed on the broken glass beside me. How pathetic glass is. Such a beautiful thing, yet one wrong move and it's broken, never to be put back together unless it's own physicality melts away, not resembling it's past at all. Then Elizabeth's smiling young face popped into my head, as the glass cracked underneath my weight. The broken glass reminded me of her, broken, fragile, vulnerable, and once broken never resembling the past. 

Who broke you, Elizabeth? 

I picked up the biggest shard of glass, and stared at my faint reflection through the cracks. Could she handle being broken again? I put the piece of glass down and called for a maid to clean up the mess. My stared as the mess was taken away, not a single piece of glass remained. The only evidence was the empty space where the chair once was, but I knew they would replace it. They were always quick to find replacements. 

Sebastian's shadow came into view, and I felt the familiar tinge of stinging from my right eye. I looked at him, and smiled for about half a second until I saw his serious expression. He was still taller than me despite my growth. We had a few centimeters of difference between us. 

"Elizabeth is requesting your presence, young Lord." He says in his usual tone.

"Take me to her." 

I think I'll tell her about breaking off the engagement now. She's injured, so she won't be able to run and kill me just yet. I mentally high fived myself as I thought about the plan. 

   _~If we are to die one day, wouldn't it be better to have no regrets?~_


	12. Chapter 12

The house has changed too, I've noticed. Remembering back to how Elizabeth was before. The bright pinks and the blinding yellows became more tame, more darker, yet still comforting. Everything was just a reflection of her. The broken glass, the duller colours. How had I not noticed this before? Why now?

But I couldn't let these thoughts cloud my mind. The plan had to go perfectly. In the scenario playing through my head, I knew she was going to be extremely angry and ask a lot of questions, and I would answer them as civilised as I could, then say, "Well would you look at the time, Lizzy. I have to go!" Then leave and not see her for the new few years. I smiled to myself, proud of the plan. 

"Who am I kidding?" I thought. I'm not proud of it at all, it's a stupid plan. It would be a miracle if I escaped this alive.

I knocked on the door, my heart almost racing out of my chest and for once it wasn't because of Sebastian. "Lizzy?" I opened the door slowly, letting my vision change ever so slowly as I saw the infirmary.

"Oh, Ciel. Hello." She said, looking at me and smiling.

Her body was laying down on the bed, a bandage wrapped around her leg and blood seeping through. It looked painful, but her face stayed in the fake smile she was showing me. I sat down in the chair next to her bed, and fidgeted with my hands. She must've noticed because she asked if I was okay.

"Uh... Yeah, I'm okay, Lizzy. I just need to ask you something. I was supposed to ask you this outside," I lied. "But... Can we break off the engagement?

In my peripheral vision, Sebastian's figure seemed to freeze for a brief second. But I kept my eyes on Elizabeth. She was strong at keeping her emotions hidden, because I had no idea what was going on through her mind. A few short minutes passed, but they were not awkward, they were just patient. 

"Okay." Elizabeth finally said. 

Before I could process her answer, I opened my mouth to give her all the reasons she could possibly need to understand my reasoning. All the reasons but the true one. But once the simple word rang through my head, I just stared at her.  _Was she serious?_  I thought to myself. _There's no way it could've been this easy._

But it was. Even though I had an odd feeling, I shook it off. With a shaking body, I stood up and left the room, Sebastian right behind me as usual. We walked outside, Early Grey tea ready for me to calm down, though from what I do not know. I still still fidgety with my leg tapping and me tapping my fingers on the rim of my tea cup. 

Soon, Paula came running out of the house and whispered into Sebastian's ear. It seemed urgent, peaking my interest. Hopefully nothing bad had happened to anyone. Sebastian's eyes got a little bit wider than normal, then he nodded to Paula. 

"Master, I must go. Elizabeth is requesting for my presence." Sebastian said with a bow, then he was gone.

Paula stood and stared at me. She has aged as much as we have, but her bright optimistic smile still shone. Her staring soon became a small smile, almost pitiful. I sipped my tea and sighed as I wasn't alone, but I felt lonely. My instant reflex was to give Paula a small smile in return. Then, as if an idea popped into her mind like a bullet, her eyes widened and she waved her arms frantically in front of me. 

"Ciel, why don't you go for a walk? The tea will always be here, but it doesn't mean you need to be." She offered, her arm gesturing to the gigantic garden. 

Maybe I should go for a walk, it would take my mind off everything and it would be lovely to see everything once more before never seeing this place for another few years. I slowly stood from my chair and gave Paula a nod of acceptance before leaving my tea, finished of course, on the glass table. 

The green that surrounded me was almost suffocating. It was all too beautiful for me, a person who had made a deal with the devil. Flowers were on the brink of blooming, and the look of the petals almost cuddling close together filled me with a need to crush it. As I continued to walk through the garden, and around the main building, the more I wanted to crush everything that was beautiful. 

Then I heard a crash. Sounded like plates being smashed against each other.

I had to divert away from the sidewalk, and on to the grass to follow the noise. Then I heard distant yelling, it sounded angry, frustrated, in  _pain_. Elizabeth? I wondered. With careful and cautious steps, I walked closer and closer to her yells. There was a small vent hidden in the wall, and I peeked in. 

What I saw was the kitchen I knew too well from constantly running in from the fires that would spark up in there. But this scene was different. Instead there was a very angry Elizabeth, crashed and broken plates all around her, a closed door, and...  _Sebastian_? Her chest heaved up and down as her breathing slowed and she calmed down, at least that's what I thought. She grabbed another plate and threw it at Sebastian, who dodged it at the last minute.

"Miss, please calm down." He said, holding his hands out to her.

"No! It's your fault." She said through gritted teeth. Her anger was hiding her sadness. I could tell by the tears welling up in her eyes. I knelt down to try to hear and see everything better. My mind was telling my to stop eavesdropping as this was not my business, but my heart was telling me something important was going to happen.

"Elizabeth, please." 

She threw another plate which crashed against the wall behind Sebastian, breaking into little tiny pieces.

"I changed, Sebastian." She said, her voice quieter than it was before. "For him. They all told me too."

My breath got caught in my throat. I shuffled closer to the vent to try and listen to every word more clearly. 

"Lady Elizabeth, please..."

"No!" She screamed out again. "No..." Her voice slowly got slower and quieter. "I need to let this all out."

"Let what out?" I whispered to myself, my body betraying my mind. Sebastian's eyes shifted to look at mine for a second, but it felt like forever.

"They kept telling me to change, Sebastian. Everyone told me I was too out of control with the bright colours and the loud personality, they said it would drive him away. I couldn't let that happen." She clenched and unclenched her fist constantly. I could tell it was very hard for her to let all of this out through her sobs. 

"I couldn't drive him away after I finally got him back after the fire at the Phantomhive manor so many years ago... So I changed, and he stayed. I don't know if it was because I made myself more... tolerable, as they call it, or if it was because of something else. But he stayed." Her bandage around her leg was starting to unwind as blood seeped more, changing the pure white to a blood red. 

"My Lady, your wound..." Sebastian said, stepping closer to Elizabeth.

Through the next few seconds of silence, I saw Elizabeth's shoulders moving up and down slowly, then her arms moved up to wipe her tears away. Sebastian stepped on the plates shards, jerking Elizabeth from her crying. With a shakey hand, she pointed at him.

"It's your fault, isn't it, Sebastian." Elizabeth said, making Sebastian stop and listen to what else she had to say. "I see the way you look at him nowadays. In fact, it all started about 2 years ago. You look at him the way that other butler, Claude, looks at that Trancy boy." Her voice was filled with bitterness. 

 _Wait, what? Does Sebastian actually look at me that way?_ I put each and every single ounce of attention I had left over to listen intently to this topic of conversation. 

"You look at him as if you love him. That's what you do, Sebastian, isn't it? It's like you're trying to make everyone think it's still platonic, but your actions speak so much louder than the whole, 'One hell of a butler' ordeal." Her arm lowered as she gasped in pain and knelt down to tend to her wound.

Sebastian moved and picked her up without making any single comment on what she had just said. After all, he did know I was listening. Before they walked out the door, she asked a question I was asking myself.

"You love him, don't you, Sebastian? You love my Ciel. He left me because he wanted you, isn't that the truth?"

With a long, agonizing pause, Sebastian spoke. His eyes flickered to look into mine, as if a bittersweet gaze. Then he walked out of the kitchen, a voice just barely audible.

"I didn't for a long time. But recently, I have felt it, my Lady. I do believe I love Ciel."

_~Love is a magnificent thing but, incidentally, it can also give birth to dreadful tragedy.~_


End file.
